Southern Gothic Played to the tune of 1000 Trumpets

ALL THE FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS (1960)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A Southern Gothic drama that allegedly (using that word very loosely) mirrors the life of Chet Baker, except the guy in this movie is called Chad Bixby, a jazz trumpeter. "All the Fine Young Cannibals" (a title better suited as a sequel to "Rebel Without a Cause") is trashy, overcooked, non-caloric melodrama and only mildly diverting. It is 112 minutes too long with characters who barely elicit more than a singular dimension. It needed the hand of a director like Elia Kazan who did a marvelous Southern, decadent soaper called "Baby Doll" a few years earlier.

Robert Wagner, wholly miscast, is Chad, the guy who can't hold a job and is forbidden from dating Salome (Natalie Wood), a teenager who has to care for her siblings. Chad's father, a minister of a Texan town, had just passed on but Chad himself doesn't seem to have any goals in life and no money. Therefore, Salome splits (and she is pregnant with Chad's baby) and goes East where she meets a wealthy Yale college student, Tony (a stunning, suave George Hamilton) - eventually, they get married and live out in New York. Wouldn't you know that Chad becomes a famous, rich trumpeter thanks to the guiding hand of a forlorn blues singer (Pearl Bailey) and begins performing in NYC clubs!

Everything in this silly, melodramatic soaper has exclamation marks all over it and it has about as much subtlety as stabbing a fork in your eye. Wagner is not believable as a Southerner or as a sad sack of a trumpet player (never mind that Chet Baker was a heroin user, not just someone who imbibed alcohol). Natalie Wood is not allowed to muster much more than tears - watch her role as a far more independent woman (who elicits more than tears) two years earlier in "Marjorie Morningstar," an underrated romantic drama. There is also Tony's wild, racist, suicidal sister (enthusiastically played by Susan Kohner) who moves in with Tony and Salome, and eventually marries Chad. It is George Hamilton who walks away with this movie with ease, playing a romantic player who is ready to settle down. You know you are in trouble in a movie like this when you can't decide which romantic partners should be together with whom.

Footnote: Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood gave superior performances in a TV remake of Tennessee Williams' "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" back in 1976. Oh, and for some odd reason, the title of this film became the name of that 80's British pop band.